THE PERFECT LIFE
We all know what we need to be happy.
We’ve been educated by people that care since we were wee ones up through grade school and all the way through to our current lives. The support we’ve received is undeniable and has come straight from those we trust - the people behind magazines, TV, movies and adverts.
Thanks to them, we now have a foolproof formula for well-being, contentment and overall satisfaction in life. And best of all...
To be happy all you need is to have Barbie-like proportions, be cellulite free, have superhuman sex all the time, be up to date on all the latest fashion trends, fall in love (the “till death” kinda love) before you’re 30, rake in the mula, and then move into an architectural dream home and start popping out the bambinos. And don’t wipe that smile from your face, part of being happy is people thinking you’re happy.
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY
I may have puked in my mouth a little bit, just me?
There’s something that societal pressure, familial expectations, and social norms have in common – they’re set in motion by belief systems. And regardless of whether they’re helpful or harmful, when we internalize these ideologies we’re dictated by them.
I like to get curious when what’s been embedded hurts. Because as we know, if we can learn something then surely, we can unlearn it as well.
TO BE SINGLE
One commonly held belief in Western culture is that coupling (for life) should happen within a certain time frame.
When one’s looking for lifelong love, this is how it can often add up:
18 and single? – No problem
25 and single? – There’s still time
30 and single? – Starting to get worried
35 and single? – Worried
40 and single? – Really worried
…you get the picture.
In the words of my suddenly concerned grandmother who was stunned to find out I was 3 years older than she had originally thought, “You better start looking for someone!”
Thanks, Oma. That’s helpful.
I don’t fault the older generations for their unease. They too became believers at some point with the conviction that we know what will make us happy; that we know what’s best for our lives – and the timing of when to fall in love was not excluded.
But, what if we all have it backwards?
What if the belief that we need something we don’t have is the cause of the unhappiness, not the lack of the thing itself?
My grandmother wasn’t worried when she thought I was 3 years younger. It was when she realized I was older that my single status became a concerning issue.
And what if that’s the case for all of us, regardless of our current age. Maybe it’s not the lack of a spouse that’s worrisome but rather, the ingrained idea that he should be here by now.
FOR THE WORRIED SINGLETON
Whether you’re 20, 30, 40, 50, or 100 - I have a question:
Are you sure you know the best timing for you to fall in love?
“Believing that what you want equals what’s best for you is a dead end. It makes the mind stiff, inflexible, rather than open to the wisdom of the way of it.”