So you’ve heard about mindfulness whether it be The Work of Byron Katie, another form of meditation, a spiritual practice of sorts, etc. and it’s supported you. You’ve had insights, aha moments, realizations, and greater awareness into the truth of all being well even in the midst of apparent turmoil.
You’ve felt pretty good about yourself. I mean, look at you go with all that love and effortless understanding. You started seeing the beauty in areas you didn’t before, relationships started to transform, you felt clear, open and greater sense of freedom permeated your life…
AND THEN IT HAPPENED
Eventually some sort of shit hit the fan (you know what I’m talking about) and it felt like all was not well, dammit.
Except this time, you didn’t just feel bitter, angry, hurt or afraid - nope, this time you also felt ashamed.
Ashamed that you didn’t see the good in what was happening. Ashamed that the realization you had before isn’t making you feel better now. Ashamed with the idea that you should “know better”.
The unconscious internal narrative went some like, “suffering is wrong and since you’re suffering you’re essentially a hopeless case that has never learned anything.”
You SHOULD be happy! You SHOULD see how good you have it! You SHOULDN’T take anything personally!
We start fighting how we feel in the name of happiness or peace, the contradiction which George Carlin so eloquently highlighted when he said, “fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity."
As a singleton, this can show up in many forms. The moment we make happiness the goal, anything that falls short becomes yet another reflection of our inadequacy.
Take the idealistic single lady: she’s a free spirit that is so contentedly autonomous she doesn’t even notice she’s alone. Perfectly happy, she moves in the world without a trace of discontent around her love life. She’s open to love without any fear of heartache.
Feeling lonely? Any despair, anxiety, or hopelessness around your love life? Well, now not only are you single but you’re also definitely not good enough.
You SHOULD see how free you are without a relationship! You SHOULD see the benefit of not being tied down! You SHOULD feel complete as you are!
...feel better yet?
What if a practice in mindfulness isn’t about making your suffering go away?
What if questioning the beliefs that lead you to feel that way isn’t about getting rid of the thoughts but rather a way to deeply listen and engage with them?
Maybe the love we’re truly longing for is big enough to contain it all.
“Nothing comes ahead of its time, and nothing ever happened that didn't need to happen.”