"I WASTED MY YOUTH ON HIM"
“It was another ‘failed relationship’”
“I should’ve known he wasn’t the one sooner”
“He got my best years”
“All that time together, what a waste”
“If this relationship ends it means it was all for nothing”
A relationship that comes to an end is a waste, right?
ONE DAY MY PRINCE WILL COME, AND STAY FOREVER
…and if it doesn’t end in forever, he was not a prince and everything we experienced was a royal waste of time.
TIME CAN BE WASTED
Waste when used in relation to coupling is typically (note, not exclusively) used to describe a relationship that didn’t end in lifelong love.
In this way, the word itself assumes that the purpose of any serious romantic relationship is to end in forever - “till death do us part”.
This idea that it was a waste of one’s life to have been with someone (now that it's over) is maintained by a few presumptions:
In short, if you haven’t committed yourself body and soul to another human (and maintain that till death) your life is being squandered carelessly and essentially you have no purpose.
So, no pressure.
Are you sure that we need to label something as wrong or bad or wasted in order to learn from it and make different choices in the future?
Are you sure that there weren’t beautiful moments in and amongst the hardship and pain of that now uncoupled relationship?
BECAUSE HERE’S THE THING
The moment we label something as “wasted” all possibility of seeing anything redeeming about it vanishes.
That’s the effect of the belief.
And the tragedy is that we lose touch not only with the beautiful moments that were intertwined in the challenging ones, but we also lose the capacity to stand as empowered individuals; acknowledging what didn’t work from a place of gratitude for this resulting clarity and awake to the gifts we have now because of it.
I’ve worked with people who now have gorgeous children, have reference for being deeply loved, are unshakably clear on their deal-breakers, and - due to years of swallowing their truth in a past relationship – are now direct and honest with their current partners, even when it’s hard.
WASTE SPELLED BACKWARDS IS ETSAW
Which is meaningless yet also thought-provoking, no? (I kid, read on.)
I once read that if you ask God (or Life, etc.) for patience (s)he’ll give you a lineup at the bank.
What if all past relationships which have ended are that QUEUE?!
Who would you be without the thought that your past relationships were a waste of time?
Being single for the time being ain’t so bad.
Unless you believe it is.
"The world is what you believe it to be. It changes as you change."